


Please don't leave my side

by Ashratherose



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abortion, Alpha Victor, Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Yuuri, Omegaverse, Rape, Slow Build, alpha yurio, canon till end of Ep 7, noncon, self hatred, srill recovering from that kiss, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-31 18:06:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8588440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashratherose/pseuds/Ashratherose
Summary: Yuri felt like all his life everything was some sort of cosmic joke.He'd moved to America for a fresh start but that hadn't gone according to plan.Moving home he tries to pull himself together... and then along comes Victor!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!!!  
> I hope I haven't made toooo many mistakes!! I'm using my iPhone and omg it likes to change ever damn word!!  
> This isn't beta checked so please feel free to point out anything that should be changed or fixed in the comments <3

***  
He could feel the blood and seme dribbling down his legs. The coldness of the tiles failed to register as his whole body was burning from humiliation.

It wasn't like he hadn't tried to fight back. He kicked and screamed until they'd finally knocked him out with a blow to the face.

When he'd finally come too he found himself alone on the shower floor.

*  
He been running late for training and when he'd gone to take his suppressants all he'd found was the empty box. Quietly he cursed himself before grabbing the prescription out the draw. He'd have to wait until after training to get the script filled, surely taking his medication a few hours late wouldn't hurt.

He'd never been so wrong in his life.

Yuri had assumed his was a beta all his life, growing up he never understood how any one could love or need someone as much as an alpha and an omega. The whole concept was completely foreign.

This probably had a lot to do with how much he'd been bullied growing up, even after all these years the scars still remained and his mental health wasn't that great if he was being completely honest. He'd been a chubby child and the butt of many a joke over it.

That's part of what made the idea of living in America so great. A fresh start.

He'd only been in America a few months when he'd first gone into heat. At the start he had no idea what was going on, he'd gone to sleep feeling feverish and woken up to slick soaked sheets. He felt like life was playing some sick joke. He was already a social outcast and now he was an omega as well.

Ever since then he'd been taking suppressants and no one other than his doctor knew he was an omega. He didn't want to disappoint his family any more than he already had.

This brings us back to tonight. As practice was nearing the end he'd started to feel feverish, his heart was beating faster and between his legs was starting to grow wetter, but still he stayed on the ice until almost everyone else had left.

Stripping down he'd just started the water when the door to the cubicle was kicked open. He'd been facing away so he never saw his attackers face. All he knew was that they stank. He'd never met an alpha who didn't, but it wasn't in his nature to hold it against them.

*  
It was now 3 weeks later. Every night he'd wake up in terror reliving the feeling of their fingers against his skin. He had missed the next weeks worth of training due to just how badly he'd been torn. That night he'd been to embarrassed to go to the doctors, instead he'd showered trying to wash away all traces of what had happened, got his medication filled and headed back to his room. 

He'd been so scared of the what ifs he was now at the doctors to have an STI panel taken. The process was simple and it didn't take long for the results. 

He was STI free but then the doctor dropped the bombshell. He was also pregnant.

Pushing his hand to his mouth he tried to swallow his terror. The doctor was talking but he couldn't hear the words. It took him a long moment to realise he'd actually been asking him a question.

"Sorry can you repeat that"  
His voice sounded a lot calmer than he felt and it surprised him.  
"I was asking what you planned to do? You do have options"

"I want an abortion"  
The words were out his mouth before he realised and he felt disgusted with himself for it. He could see the concern on the physicians face  
"I'm a pro skater, at the moment I want to focus on my career"

The doctor nodded saying he could see where Yuri was coming from, but was he really sure  
He nodded numbly.

It only took a few minutes before the appointment was over and Yuri was walking out with a prescription, he stopped at the pharmacy on the way home to have it filled.

Laying on his bed he open the box. A single tablet lay in the foil tray. He was wracked with guilt. Once he took this he'd be a murderer. He shook as sobs escaped his lips. What did he ever do to deserve this?

Taking the tablet he curled up into a ball, secretly he hoped he'd die just like the foetus inside of him. Being only 3 weeks he couldn't see it as a baby, but a life is still a life.

The next week was spent in agony. The cramping and bleeding made training impossible and when Phichit had come to check in on him, he'd lied saying he had food poisoning.

He hated lying.

The morning after taking the tablet he'd woken up in a small pool of his own blood and mess. He's panicked badly wondering if it was normal, so he'd googled it.

Google hadn't helped. 

The first article he'd tried to read was filled with nasty posts only making him feel more guilt over his choice.

After that he really didn't care if he did bleed to death. 

He returned to training the following week. It was agony. His body was still recovering and screaming at him against the abuse, he tried to ignore it but kept making simple mistakes.

He'd taken to not showering at the rink, he'll even being at the rink brought back the memories and he found himself becoming more and more mentally unstable. 

And then Vicchan died. Yuri felt like that too was his fault. For 5 years he'd left him behind in Japan, probably waiting every day for his return. It was all too much and fell apart. Finishing last in the Grand Prix was the last straw. He couldn't stay here any longer.

*  
He didn't want to feel this way, that's why he lost himself in Victors routine. Pretending he could be someone else, someone the world loved not mocked.

Returning to Japan had been hard. He'd completely let himself go and it was honest tiring having to put on a brave face.

That night he skated for Yuko he had no idea how it was going to change everything. It had only been his attention to reassure her that he was still fighting in his own way.

When her daughters had uploaded the video he'd felt so embarrassed, who was he to be skating Victors routine.

And then Victor had arrived. The shining star he'd admired so long was right in front of him and he didn't know how he was supposed to act. But what he did know was he felt a small measure of disgust at himself for taking Victor away from the rest of the world.

When Yurio had arrived he felt even worse. Victor had forbidden him from skating until he lost weight. He really was a disgusting pig. 

Even though he knew Victor wasn't being intentionally malice by calling him a pig his heart still broke.

He felt like the only reason Victor was here was to mock him. Never in his life had he met someone who truly seemed to be on his side and it confused him. As much as he wanted to accept Victor, the crippling doubt was breaking him even more.

When Victor agreed to Yurio's demand his heart broke that little bit more. The kid was so talented and he was so very much not... well at least In his own head he wasn't.

Victor wanted him to show his inner Eros. He had no idea. He'd never felt love, even with his friends and family part of him felt like they only "cared" about him as an obligation and secretly detested him. 

He'd spent so many years building his walls, pushing away everyone and that was the only way he knew how to survive.

And yet Victor seemed not to notice or care. Trampling his personal space at every chance. 

As time went on he found himself falling for the older alpha. Never being in love before he didn't know this feeling. He wanted to give in and let himself fall even more but all he felt was dirty. Something like him didn't deserve someone as bright as Victor.

*  
Yuri's thoughts only swirled around more and more.  
Performing his routine he'd told Victor he was thinking about Katsudon, Victor seemed to believe his lies. 

Though he still tried to capture that feeling part of him was terrified by the idea of sex. His one sexual encounter had been rape and even then he'd aborted the baby. Victor wanted something from Yuri that terrified him.

But he couldn't tell Victor that. He couldn't admit how dirty he was. 

He saw the way Yurio had changed how he'd tapped into the one love that meant the most to him and it terrified him.

Laying in bed he thought long and hard about who he was. He was an omega. He was an omega and Victor was the alpha he wanted. 

Arriving at Minako's he begged for her to teach him how to be more feminine. She was also the first person he'd chosen to confide in about the fact he was an omega.

She hadn't been as surprised as he'd expected and had listened to his mixed babbling about all his confusion. She didn't give him a direct answer about how to interpreted his feelings instead she told him to put everything he felt for Victor into his routine.

He hadn't expected to beat Yurio, much less that Yurio would leave. He was secretly relieved. And hated himself for it. To be jealous of a child 8 years younger... was just pathetic.

*  
As things progressed with Victor Yuri felt like something inside him was beginning to mend. Little by little he started letting his walls crumble and he finally opened himself up to the idea of romantic love.

He was falling more and more for Victor.

*  
When Yuri had gotten hold of the music student who'd written his compositional music the first time his heart had been in his throat. He knew she'd been hurt by his weakness and hadn't expected her to actually help him.

He was grateful to Phichit. If it wasn't for him he'd still be stuck brooding over that past mistake and unable to move on.

Victor had been the first he wanted to hear the new music, hell he'd surprised himself the way he'd just barged into Victors room. He'd spent a long night afterwords brooding about how his actions were so self centred.

Victor didn't seem to care. In fact he seemed rather happy about it and Yuri's heart leapt.

*  
He'd managed to draw first again. He was cursed. There was a kid there named Minami and Yuri had no idea what to make of him. He didn't understand how anyone could look up to a failure like him. He'd even hurt the boys feelings which hurt Yuri. He hadn't meant to hurt the kid the way he had.

Skating into the rink he was determined to show Victor his feelings. He'd never been good with words.

When he saw Victor was his hand over his face he panicked. Was he really that bad, but when Victor had opened his arms... his heart skipped a beat and his feet moved on their own.

*  
Before he knew it he was at the China cup and he'd placed first in the short programs. When Chris had taunted him about his sin of stealing Victor away he'd made a grim mistake. Even though Yuri had felt like that for so long he had finally found what he was looking for in life and wasn't about to surrender that to anyone.

The way Victor touched him after he'd finished had left his skin burning and longing for more.  
But then reality set in.

He'd been ok until he'd reached the hotel. Victor had treated him to dinner for doing so well and he'd been on cloud 9 when they'd parted.

It wasn't until he's stripped for bed that reality set in. He was number 1. He couldn't afford any mistakes tomorrow. People were already speculating on his relationship with Victor and anything he did would reflect poorly on him. 

Every bit of confidence he'd been building shattered in that instance. He couldn't do that to Victor.

The next morning his nerves were completely wrecked. He'd gotten no sleep at all. All night he'd worried about Victors reputation.

Victor had actually noticed the change in him that morning, he'd wanted to be normal, to hide it from him but he couldn't.

When Victor had thrown him into bed to nap and crawled on top of him, he wanted time to stop. He wanted everything to perfect for Victor and it stressed him further.

Later that evening Victor had lead him away from the prying cameras. Yuri was still panicking. He hadn't been this bad since the rape attack and he felt like Victor could see right through to his dirty secret.

Standing there he heard the crowd roaring. His stomach dropped he couldn't beat that. He'd expected Victor to tell him it would all be ok but when he'd clamped his hands over Yuri's ears Yuri realised that Victor really didn't believe in him at all.

He was crushed and then when Victor had said he'd take responsibility and step down as coach... Yuri wanted to die. Victors job was to believe in him and his job was to believe Victor.  
He was yelling and crying before his mind could catch up. Why couldn't Victor just understand.

It was still awkward when they walked back to the rink. Blowing his nose he let the tissue fall so he could boop Victors head. It was a small action but he'd hoped it showed his coach that it would be ok.

He was beyond exhausted mentally and physically. He'd got that point where he was so far gone he was calm.  
Skating he was determined to show everyone that he'd changed. He knew they'd laughed at him thinking he'd crumple under the pressure and sure he'd made a couple of mistakes but he was honestly so tired of the two steps forward one step back dance. 

When he saw Victor running he was confused. It took a moment to realise where he was going. Yuri was desperate. He was in love with Victor and wanted nothing more to be in his arms. As Victor launched at him he was taken back and then he kissed him.  
He'd wanted wanted to surprise Victor but the Russian had other plans. Laying there with Victors weight on him all he wanted was more of him.

He was angry at himself for winning silver but it was still a huge step up from last year. And more importantly Chris hadn't placed above him. Chris has tried to ruin him but he hadn't broken.

*  
Yuri was stumbling as Victor lead him back to his room. Everything had finally caught up with him and he was paying the price. Victor didn't even bother trying to take Yuri back to his own room, instead he half carried the exhausted man to his own bed. 

Pulling off Yuri's sneakers and socks he winced at how busted his feet were. Unbuttoning his jeans he slipped them off Yuri's smooth legs and finally he stripped Yuri's hoodie and shirt off. Yuri was to tired to say anything and Victor took it as a good sign. Stripping down himself he climbed into bed pulling Yuri across with him. Yuri was already dead to the world so Victor made the most of it snuggling close.

They both slept late the next day. Well Yuri slept late while Victor watched him. Waking up Yuri had been confused by why he was being held. He couldn't help it. He panicked his mind was back in the shower stall all over again. A half sob/scream fell from his lips and he pushed Victor away with all his might.  
He curled into a ball as sobs shook his whole body.  
He could feel someone touching him and his stomach rebelled before he passed out.

Victor was alarmed by what had just happened... he didn't know what could have made Yuri act that way. Everything had been fine yesterday after the competition, small touches and a few light kisses, Yuri had seemed to be glowing. He hadn't moved in time and now, like the bed, was cover in vomit. It was less than sexy.  
Sliding down the bed he tried to ignore the smell. Stripping off the blanket and his underwear he went into the ensuite, adjusting the water before going back to help Yuri. He was out cold.

Yuri felt so light in his arms and he frowned. He'd been happy that he'd managed to lose so much weight but now he wondered if it hadn't been a little too much. 

Stripping off Yuri's underwear he noted the smell that immediately hit him. He smacked his palm against his forehead. Yuri was an omega. 

Forcing himself to remain calm he manoeuvred Yuri into the shower so Victor was bearing most of his weight.

Almost immediately Yuri recovered, almost slipping trying to push Victor away. Victor held him close refusing to let go. It took a long moment before Yuri calmed.  
"Victor..."  
He let the sentence hang. He didn't know what to say.  
Victor didn't say anything, instead he started soaping up Yuri's chest. Yuri felt his breath hitch. He wanted Victor but at the moment all he felt was confusion and dirty. He wanted to scrub and scrub his skin until it bled.

Victor stopped and rinsed off his hands and arms before stepping out the small space.  
He didn't say anything but offered Yuri a small smile before grabbing his towel and walking out.

Yuri smacked his head against the wall. Victor was going to think he was a basket case. He let his tears fall without restraint as he scrubbed and scrubbed.

He cleaned himself until his skin burnt from the abuse. He'd even cleaned himself inside, it felt like semen was spilling all over again.

When he was still in there half an hour later Victor had had enough. The worry was too much. Seeing how much Yuri had hurt himself made him angry. He didn't mean to but he'd actually managed to scare Yuri with scent he was giving off. He hadn't realised until Yuri had shrunk away from him.

*  
Things had been awkward from then. Even the flight had been awkward, Victor had slipped his hand into Yuri's and Yuri hadn't pulled away but that was the best it got.

Arriving back and Japan they didn't still didn't talk much. Yuri was stuck in his head again and Victor didn't know how to help.

Yuri's parents seemed oblivious to the distance between them, instead gushing to Victor about how he'd been so good for Yuri. Yuri couldn't take it and retreated to his room. Victor watched him go, longing to follow.

He didn't know how to help. Pulling out his phone he sent a quick message to Phichit asking if he knew anything about what could be bothering Yuri.

His heart fell when Phichit replied that he didn't but he did mention that he thought something had happened last year as Yuri had changed so much so fast. Victor frowned Yuri was hiding something and he didn't like it.

Ignoring the fact Yuri obviously wanted space he barged into his room, Makkachin following happily. He knew Yuri wouldn't be able to resist Makkachin's charms.

Yuri was curled into a small ball, soft sobs falling from his lips. Victors heart broke. He hated when people cried especially Yuri.

Sitting down he pulled Yuri onto his lap. Yuri stiffened before grabbing onto Victors shirt. 

"Wanna talk about it...?"  
Yuri shook his head  
"Is it because you don't trust me?" Victor was playing dirty again.  
Yuri looked up into Victors eyes  
"I'm more scared you'll hate me..."  
"Don't be stupid... you should know by now I'll be by your side"

Yuri pushed himself up making room for Makkachin between them. He absently ran his hand across the poodles fur.

"Did something happen in America? Phichit mentioned you started self destructing back there?... or was it me? You've come so far since I first got here and it hurts to see you like this..."  
Victor went to reach his hand out to cup Yuri's face but he flinched away.

"... sometimes when an omega takes their medication late there second gender will show through... I thought it be ok... I'd waited until everyone had left... I can't really remember much... they knocked me out..." his whole body started shaking and Victor went white. He'd put 2 and 2 together while Yuri was talking. Angry as himself he smacked his palm to his forehead.

Yuri jumped from the sound, shifting further back.  
"I've never loved anyone... I've never even dated... I never understood how two people could be connected... and now that I'm starting to... all I feel is disgusting... Victor I feel so dirty..."  
Yuri was sobbing hard now, just about hysterical. Victor pushed Makkachin aside so he could pull Yuri close. He was murderous. How could anyone hurt Yuri, Yuri who would never hurt a fly.

"Victor you don't have to pretend anymore... I disgust you don't I?" Victor stiffened.  
"Yuri i promised to stay by your side remember... this doesn't make it any less true... and you are not dirty! Please don't think so little of your self!"  
Pulling back enough Victor kissed Yuri on the forehead. He looked so broken and vulnerable.

"... Victor you don't understand... I had an abortion... I killed my baby..."  
Yuri sobbed harder, he could barely get breath in. Victor rubbed his back telling him to breath. But he couldn't. The guilt was consuming him. The lack of oxygen caused him to faint.

Victor panicked when he felt Yuri slump forward. He laid Yuri out on his bed and ran to fetch a wet towel. Yuri still hadn't woken when he came back so he was extra careful as he cleaned his face. Makkachin had curled into Yuri's side in his absence. 

Victor didn't know what to do. He wanted to hold Yuri and keep him safe but he remembered the way Yuri had panicked in the hotel room. It all made sense now. So he sat on the floor with his back against the bed and waited.

His thoughts were swirling. He was so angry but most of all he was struggling with the fact Yuri had seemed to be carrying the burden of this secret al by himself for so long. It explained why Yuri had had such a rough season last year... hell he was surprised he'd even managed to get into the Grand Prix with everything happening. Yuri was much stronger than he gave himself credit for.

*  
When Yuri woke up Victor was snoring still seated against the bed. His heart skipped a beat. Victor knew his secret and still he stayed. 

Yuri was still feeling mentally drained but also antsy. He decided on going for a run and Makkachin seemed to think this was a pretty good idea too. Slipping past the sleeping Victor he changed quickly before snagging a sheet off the bed and laying it over the sleeping man.

The fresh air felt great against his skin and it wasn't long before he'd found a good rhythm. As he ran he tried to clear his mind. He felt like some pressure he didn't even realise was there had been lifted off his shoulders. It'd been a long while since he'd felt this much better and he vowed to himself to try harder.

Returning home Makkachin took off in search of water while he took off to the showers before taking a soak in the baths. 

Victor wasn't there when he returned to his room and he panicked immediately before scolding himself. He'd been gone a few hours and it couldn't have been that comfortable sleeping there. 

Victor came in just as he finished pulling his pants up. He couldn't help the blush that spread across his cheeks. He didn't know what to say.

Not that Victor gave him a chance to speak. Closing the distance he pulled Yuri in close before placing a deep his against his lips. Hesitantly he opened his mouth allowing Victor access. 

Victor broke the kiss and Yuri was almost disappointed. His heart was pounding.  
"Feeling better...?"  
He nodded placing his head against Victors chest. He could hear the mans heart beat, it seemed to be pounding just as much as his.

*  
As the Rostelecom Cup approached Yuri through everything he could into training. Victor had stepped up a level as well, seeming to have realised some of his own short comings.  
Yuri's jumps were almost perfect and he seemed to shine even brighter everyday. Victor was sure it wouldn't be long before Yuri totally eclipsed him.

He truly was impressed by Yuri's stamina and also a little envious. He'd wondered how much more he could have achieved at Yuri's age with that kind of stamina.

*  
When they arrived in Russia Yuri's nerves seemed to return. They'd only just checked into their hotel room when Yurio came barrelling in. He was beyond pissed. Even calling Yuri out and telling him he'd never be more than a fat pig. Victor wasn't having any of it. Leaving with Yurio Victor lost it at him, warning him straight up to stay away from Yuri and to concentrate on his own routine rather than being so scared.

When he came back he found the room empty. The light was on in the bathroom.

Yuri was curled around the toilet heaving his guts up. He cursed Yurio. Yurio couldn't have known how insecure Yuri was about his weight... right?  
Squatting down next to Yuri he rubbed his back in big round circles trying to calm him down. The look of guilt on Yuri's face was almost more than he could handle. Reaching past Yuri he flushed the toilet before helping him stand. Yuri was a little unsteady on his feet so Victor supported him while he brushed his teeth. 

Allowing himself to be led Yuri wound up half tripping/falling on the queen sized bed. Things had been looking up and Yuri had agreed to Victors suggestion of sharing a bed. He really was making an effort and Victor had been thrilled, but now he worried about how far he'd been set back thanks to a certain kitten.

Yuri had pretty much nailed his short program but so had Yurio and he could see how shattered Yuri was to be only a few point behind the teen.

That night called for drastic measures. 

Laying in bed together they were both stripped to their underwear. Yuri had slowly been allowing Victor to touch him more and more, which lead to Victor having to exercise more self control than he'd ever thought possible. To him Yuri was everything.

They hadn't moved past simple touches and kiss and Victor was hoping tonight Yuri might be a little more receptive.  
Running his hand up Yuri's thigh he brushed against Yuri's erection causing him to moan.  
"Yuri..."  
"Victor...?"  
I want to touch you here..." he rubbed his hand firmer against Yuri's erection  
"Will you let me? Don't worry if it's not ok I can stop at any time...you won't hurt my feelings... I know this is hard for you..."  
Yuri blinked as he bit down on his lip nervously. Nodding before he could chicken out.

His face burned are Victor pulled down his underwear, it was kind of weird but he was glad Victor had only pulled them down enough to free his erection and not expose him completely.

He'd expected Victor to jerk him off of just run against him and jumped at the sensation of Victors lips sliding over his tip.  
His breath caught and he tried to relax. Victor waited a moment before sliding the rest of Yuri's erection into his mouth.

Despite his playboy image he'd never done this to another man before so tried to imagine how he'd like it done to him.

He loved listening to Yuri's small moans as he licked and sucked. The younger man was truly beautiful. Keeping one hand on Yuri's penis he slipped his other down into his own underwear and began to jerk himself off at the same times. 

Yuri's pheromones were filling the air and Victor was getting drunk off them. He decided weeks ago to never leave Yuri's side but right now he vowed to never let anyone else see this side of Yuri.

Yuri's breathing was getting shallower and Victor could tell he was close. Increasing the pace of his own masturbation he succeeded in bringing them both to climax at the same time. Yuri's cum tasted sweet to him as he swallowed before licking up the last few stray drops. 

And then he heard Yuri. Small sobs were escaping his parted lips and he'd turned his face into the pillows. Grabbing a discarded shirt he gently wiped his semen off Yuri's thighs before pulling his underwear up so he was no longer exposed. Adjusting his own underwear he slid up so he was laying next to Yuri. He slid a hand down intertwining their fingers.

"Hey... what's wrong...?"  
Yuri shook his head so Victor gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.  
"It's ok I told you before you won't hurt my feelings..."  
Yuri turned his face so he was looking Victor in the eyes. Victor had to resist the urge to kiss away the tears.

"I...it... felt good... but..." his lip was trembling  
"When your semen hit my thighs I panicked"  
Yuri sounded so guilty that Victor couldn't help but frown, which only caused more tears.  
Not letting go of Yuri's hand Victor snuggled up to him  
"It's ok... it just means next time I'll remember to use a condom... its no big deal... ok?"  
Yuri's eyes went wide but then he nodded.

"Yuri you have no idea how strong you are! You keep in surprising me and keep on my toes! Tomorrow you will win!"  
Yuri nodded again closing his eyes.  
Victor was waiting for a reply but instead all he saw was the gentle rise and fall of Yuri's chest.

*  
Unlike the China Cul Yuri's nerves seemed to be under control, he even managed to smile and Victor was so proud. He'd taken Yuri away from the stadium so he wouldn't get caught up in self doubt again and the two of them spent the time stretching and talking about everything but skating.

When Yuri finally stepped out on the ice it felt like the whole crows hold was holding their breaths. Like they knew they where about to see something amazing. Yuri didn't disappoint. His performance was so perfect Victor almost forgot to breath. 

When Yuri finished he was running again just like at the China Cup. He paused for his signature palm to the forehead before bracing for the arm full of Yuri he was about to receive.

This time it was Yuri kissing him. Just a quick kiss but non the less Victors heart skipped.

Yuri was still smiling as he waited for his scores. He'd done it. He'd managed to take first place from Yurio. Victor wanted to pick him up and spin him round in happy circles but managed to contain himself.

This was the time the real work started.

*  
Yuri was still glowing that night as they ate dinner together in their hotel room. Victor had insisted on drinks to celebrate. Vodka naturally.  
If Yuri was completely honest he wasn't that much into alcohol but he didn't want to spoil the mood.

The more Victor drank the more his clothes came off until he was laying there in just his black underwear, which didn't leave much to the imagination. Yuri was still clothed and mostly sober.

Victor had started talking randomly about something but Yuri had been too absorbed in watching him he'd missed the start of it and in his drunk state Victor had reverted back to Russian. Whatever it was he seemed so happy about it Yuri couldn't help but smile.

Victor stood, removing the plates from the bed and Yuri didn't know what to do. He could smell the arousal on Victor but he also knew Victor wouldn't force him... normally... this was a drunk Victor... would he still stop?  
Yuri watched him as he disappeared into the bathroom and he heard the shower turn on... surely not... sneaking across the room he snuck a peak through the doorway. Even with the steam forming Yuri could see Victor jerking off. He felt a little disappointed, but if he was completely honest he was more relieved. Sneaking back he slipped back into bed and was asleep before Victor even finished.

*  
With the Grand Prix around the corner Yuri had started to unravel again and this time Victor was finding it hard to pick him up. He was fine when he was on the ice, he knew what he was expected to do but everyday life was becoming a bit of a mess.

Yuri's moods would run hot and cold like the shower of a cheap motel and more than once he'd collapsed from working himself to hard. 

Victor ended up having to step in and ban him from training to make sure he'd actually rest. He'd also planned an overnight hiking trip for them both to hopefully help with Yuri's head space.

Victor had his international licence but it was still weird driving in Japan. Yuri hadn't been thrilled about the whole thing and Victor had nearly snapped. So now they were driving in awkward silence.

It took about 2 hours to get to their destination. Victor felt like he should have remembered the places named but he really couldn't, he just knew the route the GPS had told him.

Parking the car he hurried out before Yuri could protest. He retrieved the 2 bags he'd packed and handed Yuri his, Yuri spied it suspiciously and Victor laughed. Grabbing Yuri's hand he led the way refusing to let go.

*  
Reaching the hills summit even Yuri had to admit he was impressed. The view was simply amazing and it felt like none of his worries mattered at all. There were a few cabins in the camp ground there and Victor led the way over to the one they would be using.

It was very basic, a small kitchen of sorts, combined bed/lounge/dining and a small bathroom. It was pretty basic but that didn't matter. Victor kicked him out telling him to go explore while he made something to eat. Walking out the door Yuri wasn't sure what to do. He didn't particularly feel like exploring so opted for stretching out in a patch of grass.

The sun felt amazing and the sky was so blue. They'd made good time so there was still a little time before sunset. He'd almost drifted off when he heard Victor call his name. He blushed wondering what other campers would think, but got up and walked back to the cabin.

Dinner wasn't real food as such. Victor had done up a tasting plate of sorts and even brought red wine to accompany it.  
With no TV or other distractions they say across from each other and just talked for hours. 

The sun had already set before they had realised and Yuri was feeling the effects of the wine. He was full and sleepy and feeling pretty good. Standing up he made a show of stretching before stripping down to his underwear and crawling into bed. Victor raised and eyebrow so he shrugged.

Leaving the plate and glasses behind Victor walked over to the bed, making sure to give Yuri as good as show as what he'd seen.

Crawling onto the bed he straddled Yuri's lap before leaning down to his him. Yuri didn't bother to hide his arousal and deepened the kiss, he blushed when he realised he'd ground up against Victor. Victor laughed gently before slowly kissing his way down Yuri's chest stopping just above his pubic hair.  
Yuri nodded knowing Victor had stopped to wait for his approval. 

Very gently Victor slid off Yuri's underwear before dropping them off the side of the bed. Yuri shivered feeling way too exposed.  
Gently Victor licked and nipped at his skin all the time waiting for any tell tale signs of distress.

Running his tongue against Yuri's thigh he felt him shiver. He looked up expecting tears but only saw lust. Sliding back up he cupped Yuri's face with both his hands  
"Katsuki Yuri. I love you"

Yuri's eyes went wide. And Victor smiled before pressing a kiss to his lips.  
"I know sometimes you can't find the strength to love yourself but I promise no matter what happens I will. I'll never leave your side and I'll never take my eyes off you. So please... please be my mate..."  
Victor wondered if suggesting bonding was still too soon for Yuri but he had meant what he'd said. 

Yuri bit his lip and Victor froze.  
"...yes..."  
Yuri's voice was faint but Victor knew what he heard. Nuzzling forward he licked at Yuri's neck.  
"Bite me at the same time... ok?" He felt Yuri nod. They both kissed and licked at the each other's next before gently running the area under their teeth. They both bit down at the same time. 

The feeling was incredible. To be joined with the one they loved, the arousal and the need. Neither could stop themselves from coming from the shear pleasure of it.

Waiting a long moment Victor pulled off first so Yuri followed suit.  
Yuri wrapped his arm around Victor pulling him close and kissing him as deep as his could, praying his feeling would be clearly felt.

Grinding up against Victor he felt himself grow slick. Normally that would have scared him but right now all he wanted was to have Victor knot him.

Victor pulled back so he could spread Yuri's legs before settling between them. Yuri was oozing slick like crazy and the smell was filling all his senses. He groaned from the effort of stopping himself  
"Yuri are you sure this ok?..."  
Yuri nodded before squeezing his eyes shut  
"Victor I want you..."  
That was all it took. Sliding Yuri's hips up he started to lick at the flowing slick. He couldn't describe the taste but it was something he could never tired of. It was perfect. Once he'd cleaned down Yuri's thighs he used his tongue to make his was to Yuri's twitching hole. Wasting no time he started to lick and suck. The moans filling the room made him growl with excitement. This was his omega!

Yuri started to jerk his hips and Victor took the hint. Gently he slid in a finger to see how Yuri handled it. So far so good. Yuri was already starting to loosen right up for him and he struggled hard not to just pounce.  
"Victor please..."  
logically Victor knew that taking Yuri on his hands and knees would be easier for his "first" time but he was scared Yuri would panic if he couldn't see Victors face.

Gently he lowered Yuri's hip before realisation hit him. He'd forgotten condoms... sliding back he placed down Yuri's legs.  
Yuri's face was flushed and clearly confused.  
"No condoms..."  
Yuri's eyes widened and he took a deep breath...  
"If it's you I don't mind... please Victor I need you..."  
Victor looked into Yuri's eyes and nodded before sliding Yuri's thighs back up to his shoulders.

As he slid into Yuri he moaned at the tight wet heat. He waited a long moment before starting to move. Watching Yuri squirm underneath him was so incredibly erotic. He couldn't believe he was lucky enough to have this sight all to himself. He could feel his knot start to swell but Yuri clamped hard onto him before he could slide out. Sex was one thing but he didn't know if Yuri was ready to be knotted... obviously he was.

Yuri was practically whimpering and it only took a few strokes for Victor to send him over the edge. The way Yuri's insides clung to him had Victor cuming harder than he ever had in life. He had to use all his strength to not flop down on top of Yuri.

It was a while before his knot started to subside enough to slide out and the two lovers both moaned at the loss. Sliding up he pulled Yuri close and nuzzled into his hair.

"I love you..."  
"I love you too Victor"

*  
Walking back the next day neither could stop smiling. They'd spent the night napping and snuggling around the occasional bout of sex. Yuri's hips were a little sore but his smile lost none of its brilliance.

It didn't even occur to him to be embarrassed about the new bite mark that had bruised his neck. It was the first time in his life he felt truly loved.

*  
The Grand Prix was now days away and Yuri was throwing up. Victor was worried. He knew Yuri still had a way to go but he didn't think nerves would have him puking every morning.

As they checked into the hotel they were staying at for the event Yuri had excused himself and Victor had let him go. As much as Victor wanted to hold onto Yuri he also knew Yuri sometimes needed that space. What he hadn't expected was to return to their room later and find Yuri spaced out on the bathroom floor, practically catatonic.

His eyes were wide and red from crying but he was staring straight ahead without blinking. Victor shook him gently calling out his name but Yuri didn't react. Instead Victor head a small noise like plastic falling. Looking down he realised at once it was a pregnancy test.

Reaching out his fingers shook as he picked it up and turned it over.

Positive.

He felt like his heart would burst from how happy he was but he now understood why Yuri was like this. This was all probably too much for him. He didn't know what to do. Awkwardly he positioned Yuri before lifting him up and carrying him to the bed. It was their Yuri started to stir a little and tears started to fall again. Victor want to grab the box of tissues off the night stand but Yuri's hand grabbed his shirt.

"Victor... I'm pregnant..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Yuri is pregnant! And not handling it to well. 
> 
> The Grand Prix is coming and Victors not too happy...

**

Yuri was in a bad way and Victor didn't know what to do, he could only guess what was going through his mates mind.

Sitting down Victor pulled Yuri in close to him, not surprised when he felt his shirt growing moist from tears. Fuck... it wasn't like he hadn't wondered what it would be like to have kids with Yuri but that was supposed to be years from now... fuck.

"Victor... what am I supposed to do..." Yuri wailed and sobbed harder.   
"Shhh... its going to be ok..." he knew his words weren't really going to help but he didn't know what to do.

Yuri pulled back, pushing Victor away. Victor sat there looking down at him clearly confused.   
"Victor can I have some time to myself?..." he didn't mean to sound so needy and hated himself for pushing Victor away but he felt like he was suffocating having his mate too close.

Victor hesitated before nodding, leaning forward he pressed a kiss to Yuri's forehead before sliding off the bed. He walked slowly across the room, clearly giving Yuri time to call him back... but Yuri didn't.

Sitting there he pulled his legs to his chest trying to breathe. This wasn't supposed to be how it was. He was supposed to win for Victors sake. To make him proud. He felt guilty over the life growing inside of him. It would not just change his life but Victors as well.

Opening the bedside draw he pulled out all the contraceptive packet he had, popping out each of the foil wrapped tablets. It would be so easy. But Victor... Victor knew and he couldn't do this to him. Striking out he sent the pills flying across the room, fresh sobs escaped from his trembling lips.   
Curling up he gripped his pillow close to his chest. 

*  
Victor hadn't really left. He'd instead sunk down to sit against Yuri's door. He'd heard the plips as the pills had hit the flaw and frowned. Of course not knowing what was going on in the room was killing him and he had to fight the temptation to burst back in there. 

Instead he waited and waited.

It seemed much longer than it actually was when he heard the gentle sounds of his lovers snores. Sneaking back in his heart fell at the site of the little white pills. Though he was relieved Yuri hadn't downed them it still hurt that he'd even considered it. Tiptoeing past them he approached Yuri's sleeping form. His knuckles were white from the grip on his pillow. Moving around to the side of the bed he snagged the blanket and pulled it up gently so Yuri was completely covered. He wanted to kiss his lover but was afraid it would wake him so he set about collecting all the spilt tablets.

Even though the combined weight was only a few grams the weight of what they meant was enormous. He was going to need to pull out all the stops if he was going to keep Yuri together especially for the Grand Prix. He bit his lip, if he was honest he didn't want Yuri competing, not now. It was just to dangerous but how was he supposed to tell his omega that. 

*  
Yuri had woken early, even before the sun had risen. He needed to get out. Dressing quickly he slipped out and began to walk. He didn't have a destination in mind he just wanted some space. 

He reached the beach just as the sun was rising. Sitting there he thought about how insignificant his life really was. Whatever happened to him the sun would rise and set just like it always did and would do once he had died.

He knew he'd have to talk to Victor about it all but he didn't want to have that conversation. True Victor was his mate but it had been skating that brought them together and if Yuri couldn't skate than why would Victor want him?

He tried to scold himself over his thoughts but it was useless. What right did he have to have this happiness? Why should this baby get to live when the last one didn't? 

Standing up he began to walk again. Sitting wasn't helping but skating would.

Unlocking the door he slipped inside. It was almost creepy being here when no one else was but at the same time it was his favourite time.

Lacing his skates he stepped out onto the smooth ice. Flicking through he opened up his music ap, setting it to shuffle.

In a few months he wouldn't be able to do this, so he let lose. 

He didn't know how long he'd skated but he did know he was starting to be careless, if Victor was here he would yell at him, but honestly he didn't care. 

Landing badly he heard the thud before he slid across the ice. Laying there he didn't move, not caring about how cold it was. He didn't know why but he started laughing. It hollow, completely devoid of any joy. Why did life have to be so cruel.

Rolling onto his back he stared up at the ceiling. 

"Yuri!..."  
He jumped having not expected Victors voice. Pushing himself he looked around trying to locate him. He assumed the greyish blob near the rinks entrance was his, probably angry, mate and skated slowly over. His hip was tender but he was determined to hide it.

He stopped just short of where Victor stood waiting. His gaze focused on his laces fearing what expression Victor was wearing. 

"Yuri...?"  
Skating those few steps closer he still didn't look up. Victor reached out and pulled him close. He crumpled forward and Victor had to catch him before he fell. He couldn't stop the tears if he tried.   
"Shhh... you're ok..." half pulling and carrying Yuri Victor positioned him down on one of the benches.   
Kneeling in front of him Victor took his hands planting kisses to the back of them.

"Victor... I don't know if I can do this..."  
"Yuri I'm going to ask you this seriously. Do you want another abortion...?" Yuri's head shot up and his breath caught  
Victor flinched knowing how harsh he sounded  
"I... don't... know..." Victor swallowed hard.  
"I just want to skate... to make you proud..."  
"Yuri I'll love you no matter what you chose..."  
Yuri pulled a hand back from Victors to wipe his face.  
"I feel like I don't deserve to be happy... I killed my first child" Yuri voice rose with that last sentence he sounded close to hysteria.  
Victor didn't say anything, instead he started unlacing Yuri's skates. Slipping them off he moved them away from Yuri.

"Yuri... I don't know what I can say... you aren't alone now, and it's ok for you to want this baby, our baby. I'll be with you remember?" Yuri shook his head and Victor knew he wasn't going to get through to him like this.  
"Come on we're going home" Yuri shook his head but Victor still helped him up, pausing to grab Yuri's phone before leading him back through to the locker room.

Sitting down he let Victor put his trainers on him. He felt like if he opened his mouth he was going to vomit so he bit his lip hard and when Victor was done he stood silently and started walking before him.

Arriving home he ignored everyone and retreated to shower. Standing under the running water he ran his hands over his belly, the bruising on his hip has started to spread and he knew he was going to be in trouble later.

Skipping the baths he instead opted for bed.

*  
It was now just hours before he was supposed to perform and things between him and Victor was strained. After seeing the bruising Victor had lost at him and banned him from competing, so Yuri had lost it right back at him. Begging and pleading for him to see this was his last chance. In the end Yuri got his way, not that Victor was happy about it at all.

At the moment Yuri was curled up on the bathroom floor, he was throwing up so violently his whole body shook. He was trying hard to pull himself together but the morning sickness had other ideas. Slumping back he was panting hard. His mouth felt disgusting.

He heard a quiet knock on the door, it was Victors way of telling him he was up soon. Reaching out to flush the toilet he nearly vomited again. 

Biting his lip he unlocked the door. Victor was waiting with gum and a bottle of water. Fuck he loved this man. 

Standing there obediently he let Victor wipe the sweat from his face, he felt completely drained and could see the worry weakly he tried to reassure Victor he was fine. All he got was a half glare.

*  
Stepping out on the ice Yuri tried his hardest to keep it together. His whole body throbbed but even worse was the pressure he felt not to embarrass Victor. By the time the music finished Yuri was breathless. He felt he'd done well, blocking out everything except for the feelings he had for Victor.

Skating over he practically collapsed into Victors arms. It was probably a good thing that it was a not so secret secret they were a couple because no one said anything about how Victor was supporting his weight.  
Waiting for his scores seemed to take longer than normal. It wasn't his best but it wasn't bad either. He slumped against Victor in relief.

*  
Victor had gone out drinking for the night with everyone else, Yuri had politely declined opting to try get some sleep. He'd come in second and that was a bitter pill. He could and would do better. After everything he couldn't embarrass Victor now.

Laying in bed he scrolled through the social media sights. Photos of him skating filled the small screen. He'd been fine until he came across one comment. Basically it completely trashed him and laughed at Victors on existent coaching skill. 

All the negativity came back, triple fold. Sobbing hard he threw his phone across the room as hard as he could. 

He'd fucked up  
He'd failed Victor

He couldn't even remember where he found the bottle of sleeping pills, but that didn't stop him from pouring them into his palm and downing the handful.

His skin crawled and in self disgust he stripped. The shower water was hot, probably a little too hot. Crawling into a ball he cried and cried.

*  
"Yuri!!" Victor had come back early, feeling pleasantly buzzed. He knew Yuri would be a little down about today's score even though he didn't score first he'd still scored high. Victor was so proud.

"Yuri?!"   
Hearing the water running he padded across to the bathroom to surprise his lover.   
Pushing the door open he could see Yuri sitting on the shower floor leaning against the wall. Victor frowned he could feel the heat of the water from here.

"Yuri?" No answer  
His heart stopped, almost slipping he wrenched the glass door open and turned the taps off. Yuri's skin was red and his eyes shut. Grabbing him under the armpits he pulled him out and onto the bathroom floor.  
Shaking his shoulders Victor still couldn't get any reply out of Yuri. Panicking he looked around noticing the pills on the bench  
Fuck!  
"No... no... no... come on Yuri!!..." sliding his unconscious lover across to the toilet he positioned him between his knees before sticking his fingers down Yuri's throat  
"Come on... come on..." Victor held held his breath for a long moment before he felt Yuri tense and then vomited  
"That's it... get it all out..."

He held him until Yuri finally stopped vomiting, his lovers eyes were still closed but his was breathing fine, Victor was relieved. Scooping up his love he carried him over to their bed. Carefully like he was made of glass he laid Yuri out before retreating back to the bathroom to get a wet towel. He paused long enough to poor the remaining sleeping pills down the sink. Where did Yuri even get them?

Coming back he gently wiped over his lovers face. His skin had lost some of its redness and now he looked pale and fragile. Victor felt tears start to well. Pulling the lighter of the blankets over Yuri he started getting organised for his own shower.

Coming across Yuri's broken phone Victor frowned. Had someone said anything to his love? Or maybe it had been something online? Showering quickly he dressed back in his underwear and slid under the covers. He'd been careful when laying out Yuri and tried not to move him out the recovery position he'd placed him in. The last thing he wanted was Yuri choking on his own vomit in his sleep. 

Scrolling through the articles he tried to find whatever had set him off. The problem was that he had no idea where to start and randomly searching wasn't getting him anywhere.   
Sending Phichit a message he asked if he knew why Yuri might be upset. He didn't have to wait long for Phichits reply, some link and a quick message telling him to tell Yuri to text him.

Opening the link Victors heart dropped. In his opinion who ever had written it was blind. They had completely trashed his loves whole performance and his own coaching skill. Victor looked down at his mate. He was furious, how could anyone say those things about Yuri. 

Putting his phone aside he rolled over and snuggled into Yuri, snaking his hand down he softly rested it against Yuri's bare belly. He couldn't wait for this season to end.

*  
Victor didn't get much sleep at all, he was to afraid of what he'd wake up to. Morning took too long to come and when his alarm went off his wanted to smash his phone. Instead he forced himself up. Yuri was still asleep, small breaths falling from his parted lips.  
Slipping out of bed Victor opted for a quick shower hoping the water would wake him up.  
Stepping out he felt a bit more human. He skipped dressing, he wanted to be there if Yuri needed his help in the shower and clothes would only hamper that. Sitting on the bed he gently shook Yuri. It took a long moment before Yuri stirred, squinting at him in confusion.  
"... Victor..."

Yuri's face fell and Victors heart broke.   
"Come on... you need to shower, today's going to be busy..."  
Victor helped the sleepy Yuri up and into the shower. His lover stood there obediently as Victor washed his hair and soaped down his body. Yuri moaned enjoying the contact.

Yuri was still stumbling slightly as Victor led him to bed. Drying them both off Victor took extra time with Yuri. He was so relieved his love was still alive but he really didn't know what to say to him. 

Yuri didn't talk as he let Victor dry and dress him. The fact that he was still alive meant that Victor had stepped in. He was so mad at himself, he was so stupid! He couldn't even kill himself properly! He was so tired all he wanted was to close his eyes forever.

Victor grabbed his hand, leading the room and down to hotels dining room. The smell of food made him want to vomit but he didn't want to anger Victor. So he sat there and ate his breakfast without tasting it.

*  
They only spoke the bare minimum for the rest of the day and Yuri couldn't stop the spiral of self destructive thoughts swirling around in his head.

By the time it came for him to compete he felt nothing. He couldn't even remember his performance or stepping off the ice. Waiting for the scores he tried to focus but couldn't, Victor was shaking him and saying something but he didn't care. Nausea hit and he found himself running to nearest bathroom, not even bothering to lock the door. He could hear people talking and wanted to sink into the floor, instead he flushed the toilet and pushed out, pausing to wash his hands. He'd gone to walk out when he felt a strong hand grip his arm. He panicked yanking away. Tears started streaming down his face and his knees gave out and blackness consumed him.

Victor was walking to corridors looking for Yuri. This place was just to big and the smells made it hard to focus on just Yuri's. Rounding the corridor he ran straight into Phichit. Phichit was obviously in a hurry and Victor went to move out his way  
"... Victor... its Yuri!..." Phichit took his hand dragging him along. He slowed just before reaching a small crowd of people. He frowned pushing through. 

Yuri was laying there not moving and Victors heart stopped, he shoved someone out the way harder than he'd expected. Kneeling next to his lover he bit his lip. He could smell blood. Fuck... no one knew Yuri was pregnant. Scooping up his mate he pushed through the staring mass, growling when people didn't move fast enough. 

*  
Taking Yuri through to the medical bay he laid his lover out on the only bed in the small room. There was blood on his arm and it still seemed to be seeping, soon a small puddle had formed under his mate... Fuck... not the baby. 

He all but yelled at the medical staff, his alpha side taking over completely and he was still raging when the paramedics arrived to take Yuri to hospital.

*  
Yuri was confused, last thing he could remember was being in the bathroom and now he waking up to an unfamiliar ceiling. The smell of disinfectant filled his nostrils and the mechanical beeping told him he was in hospital.

His body felt heavy and someone was holding his hand. Looking down he saw Victor half hunched off his chair, completely out of it. He smiled watching his alpha sleep.   
Biting his lip he shifted his weight, he'd tried not to wake Victor but failed.

Victors eyes went wide and then he was launching himself at Yuri kissing him deeply.  
"Thank god! I was so worried..."   
Yuri was even more confused and Victor had practically crawled onto the bed to pull him against his chest.

"Um... Victor? Why am I here...?"  
The only thing Yuri could think of were the sleeping pills but that had been last night and thanks to Victor he'd woken up... tired and embarrassed... but still alive. He hated the idea of all the fuss.  
"You collapsed! Oh god... there was blood!"  
Yuri paled his hand flying to his mouth...  
"It's ok... you're ok and our baby is ok..."  
Yuri started crying. His selfishness had caused all of this.  
"... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." he nuzzled as if trying to disappear into Victor.  
"Shhh..." Victor held him close fighting back his own tears. He should have been firmer. Yuri had nearly miscarried because he'd pushed himself too hard and the sleeping pill incident was still fresh in his mind  
"How long..."  
"How long have you been here? It's been 2 days..."  
2 days? The Grand Prix! Who'd won? He wanted to know but was to scared to ask. He doubted he would have even placed in the top 3 and hoped Phichit had managed to get the gold.

A young nurse came in, interrupting their moment. She chatted away with Victor while taking Yuri's vitals.

*  
They'd finally let him out 3 days later. He was banned from physical activity and was already bored. All Victor was allowing him to was sleep.

Even when they'd got home Victor hadn't stopped hovering. The word had also gotten out that he was indeed pregnant and Victor was his mate. He wanted to fight against the depression he was sinking into over it all but staying in bed all day only made it worse.

The only person he could think to talk to was Minako, while it was true she'd become a close family friend it was also true that first and foremost she was his teacher. Sliding his phone out he sent a short message asking if he could come visit her. He didn't have to wait long for her reply.

Sliding out the covers he ignored the wave of dizziness and hurried to change. He knew Victor would be mad he was going out but he couldn't take being stuck in this place any longer.

Slipping out he successfully managed to avoid everyone and was soon walking out in the cool night. Given the fact he'd finally started to show he walked slowly occasionally talking to his belly as he past certain landmarks. It helped to distract him from his thoughts of Victor.

It wasn't until he was in front of Minako's door he started to feel guilty about not telling Victor and his out of control hormones had him crying. He'd just raised his hand to knock when the door opened.

*  
Watching Yuri cry Minako didn't know what to say so just ushered him inside. Usually when Yuri was upset he liked to be alone so things must be pretty bad if he was showing up like this. Yuri sat down heavily immediately curling into himself, which she sat in the chair next to his.  
She let him self calm and after a few moments she could see him relax a little. Usually with her loud personality she'd push Yuri until he would smile again but this time she was at a loss.

"I'm sorry... I didn't know who else to talk to" she frowned at the statement. Shouldn't he be talking to Victor if he was feeling this down. Since she'd first met him she'd seen the walls he'd built first hand, Victor had been the only one who seemed capable of tearing down Yuri's walls and for that she was grateful to the Russian.

"That's alright... what did you want to talk about?" She tried to keep her tone light even smiling a little.

"I'm just so tired..." she frowned again. She hadn't been able to see Yuri since his return as every time she'd gone to visit Victor had told her he was sleeping.

"I'm so tired of it all..." ah that made more sense, but she already didn't like what she was hearing. Yuri was a strong kid much stronger than anyone gave him credit for, but you can only be strong for so long.

"Victor doesn't even let me leave the house, he's always there. When I wake up, when I shower, when I eat... I feel like I'm suffocating..."  
Oh.  
So that was it.

"It's only because he loves you... I'm sure if you told him..."  
"No..."  
Yuri cut her off before she could continue.  
"I can't tell him... I'm so scared he'll hate me..." Yuri started crying again so Minako reached out rubbing his arm  
"Yuri anyone can see that he adores you..."  
Yuri was shaking his head and Minako bit down on her lip.   
"How could he love me when I tried to kill myself..." his sobs shook his whole body and Minako moved over pulling him close to her.  
Yuri had tried to kill himself?! The thought felt like a knife to the heart.  
"Yuri..."  
"It was the night of the Grand Prix free. Victor was still mad at me for wanting to compete and someone had posted a photo abusing us both..."  
Minako nodded she remembered how disgusted that post had made her.

"I took a handful of sleeping pills... everything just hurt too much and I didn't want to keep ruining Victors life... I was so disappointed when I woke up the next morning..."  
She made a mental note to check in with Victor later. He probably wasn't doing that great after all this either

"I don't even deserve to have this baby... not after what I did..."   
Yuri was starting to hyperventilate. She rubbed his back telling him to breathe. 

"Yuri... you're ok... you're baby is ok... you're going to be a great parent..." she squeezed his shoulders for emphasis 

Yuri took a deep gulp. Trying to stop crying   
"I feel so guilty... I can't do this anymore..."  
"Yuri you're not making much sense... do you feel guilty for trying to kill yourself? Or is it something else too..."  
He looked at her with panic in his eyes. Opening and closing his mouth a few times.  
She'd expected him to say yes, it came back to the suicide attempt, not the story she was told.

She sat their and listened as he broke down completely. The rape, the abortion, everything. Yuri let his walls crumble completely. 

When he was done she didn't know what to say. She knew he was hurting but not like this. Why hadn't she seen the signs  
"Oh Yuri..."  
He kept whispering over and over how sorry he was and her heart was breaking.

"Yuri you need to calm down for me ok... for me and your baby... you're much stronger than you think... all this was happening and you still managed to win... remember?"

She rubbed his back again getting him to breathe in and out slowly. It took a while to finally get him calm and when he did he sagged against her completely exhausted.

Sitting there they both jumped when Yuri's phone started ringing. Caller ID showed it was Victor. Yuri pales even further. Taking the phone from him she answered. She could hear the panic in Victors voice as she tried to reassure him that yes Yuri was here and he was ok, and that he would be spending the night here so there was no need for Victor to come over and that they'd both seem him tomorrow.

Handing the phone back Yuri thanked her before yawning loudly. Helping her pregnant student up she guided him to the guest room making him promise to call her if he needed anything. He nodded before thanking her.

Laying in her own bed Minako couldn't stop the conversation from replaying over and over in her mind. In the morning she'd have to talk to Victor about loosening his chain and about getting some real help for Yuri.

*  
Yuri was now 9 months pregnant. Since the night at Minako's a lot had changed. With Victors help he was seeing a councillor regularly which had helped him more than he thought it would. Victor had also changed. He knew he'd broken Victors trust but he also knew that Victor could see the effort Yuri was making.

Laying there the two of them were entangled both sweaty and panting hard. For the last month Yuri's hormones had gone into overdrive and no matter how much sex he and Victor had it wasn't enough. Victor wasn't complaining at all. He loved everything about Yuri and loved watching his mate moan and shudder, knowing he was the only one who got to see him like this.

*  
The morning started like any other, only difference being that they'd both woken to find the bed damp. Yuri immediately started to apologise but was cut short by the loud groan that escaped his throat.

He was in labour. Victor started to panic. This was it. He and Yuri would be parents!!

Supporting Yuri he half carried him down to the car. He found himself oddly turned on by the little gasps and moans of pain Yuri was omitting.

Rushing to the hospital he drove well above the speed limit, Yuri had to keep telling him to slow down.

Finally at the hospital he watched as Yuri was wheeled away by the nurse staff. After what seemed like an eternity someone finally came and got him, leading him to Yuri's room.

The site of his lover in the stirrups went straight to his dick. He scolded himself before moving to Yuri's side. He could see the fear written all over Yuri's face and nuzzled at his neck trying to scent him and calm him down.

It wasn't long before Yuri was fully dilated and had to start pushing. The grip he help on Victors hand was enough to bring the Russian to tears but he knew Yuri was about to feel more pain than he could imagine.

His heart was pounding so hard he was sure Yuri could hear it, even above his cries of pain.

Finally a small cry filled the room. Yuri fell back exhausted and Victor ran his free hand over his mates brow. He felt Yuri tense again, pushing probably to expel the placenta.

Holding their baby body Victor couldn't get over how tiny he was. He had victors eyes but Yuri's dark hair. Everything about him was so tiny and perfect.

Yuki.   
He didn't understand at first why Yuri was so set on the name until Yuri explained it meant snow and it was snowing the day Victor showed up and changed everything.

Yuri tense and nursing staff stopped what they were doing. Gently Yuki was taken from Yuri's grip  
"Mr Katsuki are you ok...?"  
Yuri shook his head biting his lip.  
"Feels like I need to push again..."  
The nurse bit her lip looking at her college who came over. Gently they spread Yuri's legs again  
"If you need to push, push ok?"  
Yuri but his lip. Death gripping Victors already sore hand.  
He practically screamed in pain as he bore down. 

A few minutes later another small cry was heard. Twins? The ultrasounds hadn't shown twins... how could they miss that  
"It's a girl..."

Yuri started crying all over again finally collapsing back. He'd taken a moment and then pushed when he'd felt the need, expelling the placenta.

He was beyond exhausted but couldn't quite believe it.

Passing Yuki to Victor the nurse than passed their little girl to Yuri.  
She too had Victors eyes but her hair was a lighter brown than that of her brothers.  
Having cleaned up Yuri the 2 staff excused themselves and Yuri and Victor were left alone to marvel over their children.

"Victor we need to give her a name..."  
"She's just so perfect..."  
Yuri bit his lip staring down at his daughter with love  
"What about the name Mina?..."  
Victor looked at him in surprise  
"Mina? She kind of looks like a Mina..."  
"Like Minako..."  
"Yeah I like that Mina and Yuki"

Victor leant in pressing a kiss to Yuri's lips   
"I didn't think you could surprise me any more than you had and you go do this... god I just keep falling more and more in love with you"  
"Didn't I tell you not to take your eyes off me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was totally going to throw in a major plot twist:
> 
> *  
> The machine beeped rhythmically as the nurse crossed the darkness room.  
> Throwing back the curtain sunlight streamed in, illuminating the dust particles dancing on the air.
> 
> She smiled sadly at the young man who lay before her. Checking his vitals she switched on the TV, flicking through until she found ice skating.
> 
> The man in front of her was the longest resident of this place. He'd been here since he'd smacked his head ice skating at the age of 9. 15 years he'd been in a coma. 
> 
> She didn't know if he could hear what was going on around him but liked to think he appreciated the thought every time she put skating on for him.
> 
> Returning a few hours later she sat and watched TV with him. It was a replay of the medal ceremony at something called the Grand Prix. She'd never been into skating and knew nothing about this Victor person who'd just won his 6th consecutive gold.
> 
> Sighing she turned the TV off and moved over to close the blinds. She switched the lights over to the not so bright ones used at night.
> 
> Pausing at the door she turned back to with her patient Yuri goodnight.
> 
>  
> 
> *
> 
> See aren't you glad I didn't!!!   
> <3


End file.
